There’s nothing quite like living in a sweaty hell of your own making, with only a migraine and a growing sense of regret for company. That’s why we’re obsessed with curing hangovers, by any means necessary. Just eat four raw eggs whilst reciting the national anthem, backwards, it worked for a friend. Honestly. No, drink eight gallons of water whilst listening to Enya in the bath. Trust us, it’s foolproof. Actually, rub some lemon in your armpit whilst downing a mix of beer and green tea. We saw it on Holby City.
No. What you need is some good old fashioned comfort food in a nice, safe space. Here are some places to suit the many different hangovers you’re bound to encounter at some point.
The ‘I Bought Everyone, Absolutely Everyone, Shots Last Night’ Hangover
You woke up to countless receipts for something called ‘The Eye Of The Tiger’ on your bedroom floor this morning. And, Barclays just sent a text asking if your card’s been stolen. Sadly, it hasn’t. Here’s where to go for cheap eats when your hangover involves signing up to Trials4Us in the hopes you’ll survive until payday.
Perhaps the value London meal. Soak up your regret at Roti King for a little money and a lot of flavour. This Malay spot has made basic roti canai - a flatbread with vegetable dhal - legendary, and it’s just a fiver. Other options like laksa or rendang are all around the £7 mark.
There is no safer space in London than the caff. Unlike its also safe but sometimes volatile sibling, the pub, the caff is simple, good natured, and familiar. E. Pellicci is maybe our favourite of the lot. This Bethnal Green institution has been frying sliced bread since long before you could say ‘fermented sourdough please’. A fry up is just over a fiver, and it’ll sort you right out. If it doesn’t, the owners of Pellicci’s will.
My Old Place is a Chinese restaurant in Spitalfields that serves up big plates of dumplings for £7-£10. It’s a no judgement, do your own thing kind of atmosphere, which is exactly what you need.
Sure you’ve got friends, but have you got good friends? The kind who provide you with a bag of popcorn chicken for under a fiver? No, we didn’t think so. Good Friend is a little shop in Soho that will satisfy all of your crispy and cheap chicken needs. We like the popcorn best, or you can get a big old flattened, crispy, breast if you’re really hungry. After that, the only decision to make is which of the 11 seasonings you should shake over your chicken.
The ‘I Lived A Good Life’ Hangover
Sure, you have a pulse, so technically you must be alive. Technically. But you’ve taken on the colour, and personality, of a rotting mushroom. Here’s where to go when you require a serious calorie intervention to bring you back to life.
The reaction when somebody sees one of Chick ‘n’ Sours sandwiches is generally along the lines of ‘geez... look at the size of that’. This is precisely what you need right now. We’re not saying you won’t also need a lie down after your sandwich, fries, and the must-order Szechuan aubergine. But it’ll be for the best.
Things that bring tears to our eyes: grown adults using scooters, the dog pond at Hampstead Heath, and seeing an enormous Yard Sale 18-inch pizza put down in front of us. It’s one of, if not, the best pizza in London, and you need it.
A meal that consists of brick-like pieces of focaccia (in size, not flavour) filled with runny egg, salty ham, and a pile of crispy fried potato bits sounds good doesn’t it? Especially when you throw in some mac ’n cheese balls as well. We think it’s just what the doctor ordered, especially if the doctor is called Max, and he runs this wonderful, mad restaurant.
You sugar levels are dropping fast. You know what time it is. Yes, exactly. Choose from any of Doughnut Time’s frankly wild toppings, be it Ferrero Rocher or Jammy Dodger, and feel the life creep back into you. For half an hour at least.
The ‘I Guess I’ll Just Keep Drinking Then’ Hangover
You tried eggs. You tried pizza. You tried prayer. This hangover won’t budge. Really, this is just a case of cause and effect. Get back on that beer bandwagon, friend.
When in doubt, pub. Someone said this once. Actually a lot of people say this. And they’re all right. If you’re gonna get back on the pints, make sure you do it in the best kind of way. The Anchor and Hope in Southwark is a lovely pub, serving up lovely food. Who wouldn’t feel better after a few pints and a plate of pasta?
You need to get back on it, but it in a different way. A better way. A way that doesn’t involve Jäger. Brigadiers is the place. Not only does its lavish bar area make you feel like Prince Harry after a night at Mahiki, but it also has espresso martini on tap. And a section of the menu specifically called beer snacks, with stuff like vindaloo samosas or cheese and onion bhajis. You’ll be back in business in no time.
All of your instincts are telling you to stay in the dark, but we say go to Bright. We’d wager that this Hackney restaurant and wine bar could bring back almost anyone from the cusp of Netflix and ill. Just get a katsu sando down them and consult their excellent wine list.
Admittedly, the prospect of heading to a car park isn’t the most appealing thing after you’ve spent the best part of the morning hoping divine intervention will fill up the glass next your bed with water. Power through and head to Peckham Levels, pick up a bite to eat - they’ve got everything from wings to vegetable only small plates - and, when you’re ready, make your way to the bar.
The ‘I Read A Wiki-How That Said Kale Would Cure Me’ Hangover
Antioxidants. That’s it, that’s the solution. All you need is a handful of goji berries and boom, it’ll undo two litres of Glen’s and the fact that you secured a solid 45 minutes of sleep. Here are some spots where you can pummel plenty of vitamins.
Muriel’s Kitchen in South Ken is the kind of place that’s the best of both worlds. If you feel like tabouleh and a pint of something that looks like your garden has been liquified, then it’s perfect. If your friend isn’t so sure, then they’ve also got eggs, burgers, milkshakes, and salads.
The restaurant incarnation of that random ‘wellness’ person you can’t stop looking at on Instagram, Timmy Green is essentially the result of an experiment to see if a personal trainer and a piece of avocado on toast could procreate. This Victoria restaurant has got all the things you want: sashimi salad, granola, stuff with berries on, and it’s all quite nice to be honest.
One of London’s most popular breakfast, brunch, and general ‘God I hope this helps me’ spots, The Good Egg is a great choice when you want to put lots of tasty and good things in you. The Middle Eastern inspired menu ranges from a delicious aubergine pitta, shakshuka, to babka french toast with homemade jam.
The freshest of the the fresh. The absolute OG of tasty greens. Ottolenghi has been making delicious food out of the best possible ingredients for years now. The Islington branch is our favourite, where you can a get main and a choice of two salads for under £20.
The ‘I Only Eat Beige’ Hangover
The world is too much. The colour. The noise. The everything. You need beige. Lovely, inoffensive beige. You need to be fed beige that can be dipped in colours, if you so please. Here are some of our favourite places for beige in London.
The Regency has been serving up glorious plates of beige for over 70 years. Even the tables and tiling are beige. No need for sunglasses in here friend. This legendary caff will get you the fry up, hash browns and all, that you need. Just don’t go into shock when they shout your order. They really do shout. Be prepared.
We have a lot of time for no nonsense restaurants, and when that extends to the name, well, we kind of knew we’d get along. Beer + Burger have got your need for beige covered in many delicious ways. Their burgers are charred and juicy, their fries, cheese, and gravy ingenious, and that pint of beige-ish amber stuff also goes down a treat.
One of London’s most popular chippies, The Golden Hind has every kind of beige you could want. Chips? Yep. Fish? Obviously. Battered sausage? My life depends on it. They also have a license, meaning that if you make a remarkable recovery, then you know what to do.
The undeniable beauty and joy of Nando’s is that you know exactly what you’re getting. Sure, some people would call it a ‘beige choice’, but there’s nothing wrong with knowing what you like. Medium half chicken, garlic and hot sauce, peri-peri chips, and coleslaw, since you ask. But we’ll never tire of this beautiful, beige, many-sauced, and ever-present friend.
The ‘Give Me All The F*cking Cheese’ Hangover
Apparently, it isn’t socially acceptable to eat an entire block of Red Leicester on a pavement in Shoreditch. We’re not really sure why. But what we do know is that there’s no shame in hitting the cheese at these places.
You thought this meant ‘the cheese’ didn’t you? Go on, admit it. We definitely did. La Fromagerie actually translates to ‘the dairy’ but that doesn’t mean they’re lacking in that cheese you so badly need. Fancy a fondue? No probs. Is that raclette? Put that drool back in your mouth. Two different three cheese toasties? Order an Uber.
Cheesy, saucy, salty, tomatoey, extra cheesy. That’s what you’re after. That’s what the hungover demon inside of you is demanding, isn’t it? Well Ciao Bella is where you want to feed it. A classic Italian institution, you’ve got everything you could need here. Pizza, pasta... a plate of parmesan cheese.
Ah Llerena. Sweet, salty, cheesy Llerena. Any restaurant that puts down what appears to be almost an entire wheel of gooey ewes cheese with bread sticks for dunking is, by rights, our best mate. If that isn’t enough, there’s also a cheese tart, and like everything at this lovely Islington tapas restaurant, the ingredients are straight from their farm in Spain.
Few restaurants in London give the impression that they truly understand your need for an absolute trough of cheese, melted or grated, as much as Temper in Covent Garden. There’s literally a pizza called ‘All The Cheese’, which is probably what you need after a round or two of cheeseburger tacos.